I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
