Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Randomize
