In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize