She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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