so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
