my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
