420 ftw
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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