oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You left your phone here
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