How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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