So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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