just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
