pedialite and red bull = repair kit
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
