"it" just moved
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
