My liver just broke up with me...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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