I seem to have left my pride at pride
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The uberlube is also flammable
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
