I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
