My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize