Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I will pee on everything he values.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
