Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
