time to smoke my breakfast
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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