She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
