It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
