no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
