he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize