Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
