Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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