we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So many bounce houses so little time
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Everclear isn't food dammit
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
