I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
