I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
