If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize