YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
