nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
