trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I understand Curling. That high.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
