She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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