In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
