Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
