actually, I'm a sock model
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my being single is dangerous.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
