Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Vodka?
Forever.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I love you. Go after that dick
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
