a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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