I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
