So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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