im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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