Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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