The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
