Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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