Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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