On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
