Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
