so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
