I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
