Screwed.edu
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
