Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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