my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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