operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize