Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
