Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
