no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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