Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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