I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
