i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
