I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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