Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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