they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Found your dick twin last night
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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