I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
