I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
