Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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