Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
