Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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