We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
