ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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