your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
