Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
