Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
