GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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