Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize