Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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