i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Randomize
