My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
