I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
