wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
