I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
