Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
