This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
