tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
