hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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