New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
