just tell him i said nine months
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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