Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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