Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
