I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think your dad took our porno
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh god it's open bar.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
