1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How naked do you want me to be?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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