i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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