So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
