My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize